Swamped by Technology (Or Parked in Password Purgatory)

  

Swamped by Technology

 

Hello? Is anybody there? Hello?

Why can’t we make reservations or get directions over the phone anymore?

Companies say they don’t have enough workers and that young people prefer ordering online.

More likely: hotels, restaurants and tech companies don’t have to provide health insurance to algorithms.

Now, there are exceptions: Apple is very good at giving you advice about your iPhone, ipad or Mac. If you can find their phone number, that is.

But how many times have you ended up in password purgatory, just to get routine announcements. They want to pick your password for you? Forget that.

Area health providers make you log in to tell you that they are closed on Christmas Day or to pay a bill. When I couldn’t change my credit card with one local doctor’s office, a live person told me, “Oh, yes, it doesn’t work. We have put in a ticket for that.” Oh, I guess it’s OK then? Mail me a bill next time.

Recently we went to a Durham restaurant where you have to order your food on an app. After a long wait, we realized we had not pressed the “send” button and had to do it again.

Though I am of the older generation, I am not a technophobe. As a technology writer, I was an early adapter to desktop computers, the World Wide Web and Facebook. But I haven’t kept up and am being overtaken by change. Just what is Artificial Intelligence anyway?

I have lost money lately by booking the wrong hotel and paying for a sports ticket I never got. Somehow you reach the company and they say, “Oh, we don’t handle that. It was done by a third party. Can I give you a link for that?”

But last week I booked a hotel by calling the hotel  itself and reaching somebody on the phone. It worked!

Favorite Local Tourist Sites

Guests at our bed & breakfast often ask us what to see and do in South Boston and surroundings. These are my favorite sites for local tourists (in order):

1. Bob Cage’s Sculpture Farm: From the road, you can see amazing sculptures by the late artist and tobacco auctioneer, Robert Cage. He used cast-off industrial and farm materials to make whimsical models of animals and other objects.  He even made a bridge for his goats over his driveway. Located at Cage Trail just off of U.S. 360.

2. Berry Hill Resort: This historic Greek revival style home was built in 1844 by planter and politician James Cole Bruce. Now it has 92 guest rooms, a tavern and restaurant. A health spa provides good massages. Information on a self-guided tour is available at the front desk. This place is so elegant, it looks like it belongs in Williamsburg.

3. Virginia International Raceway: This a world-class track between South Boston and Danville even hosts a major rock music festival in the fall. VIR hosts amateur and professional automobile and motorcycle events, driving schools, club days, and private test rentals. South Boston Speedway is another racing venue, right in town.

4. Tobacco Heritage Trail: Recently extended to four miles, this hiking, biking, horseback and walking trail is close to downtown South Boston. Nearby is the site of the Crossing of the Dan, where the Revolutionary Army prevented British troops from crossing into Virginia by removing boats they had crossed with themselves. 196 Railroad Ave.

5. Antique shops: Toots Creek Antiques: A store with everything: furniture, glassware, pictures, signage, home décor and more. 5293 Halifax Road, Halifax. Others include Sullivan’s Antiques, and Enchanted Surroundings.

6. Buggs Island Lake: Guests enjoy swimming, sunbathing, fishing, boating and water skiing at this lake, the largest in Virginia. It’s about a half hour from South Boston, near Clarksville.

7.Tastings: Springfield Distillery and Factory Street Brewing have numerous events. Wineries include Hunting Creek Vineyards and Bright Meadows Farm Vineyard. Tunnel Creek Vineyards in Roxboro, N.C., is so luxurious it could be in California’s Napa Valley.

8. The Prizery. This former tobacco facility is now a center for performing arts with a theater and art gallery. Local and touring stage and musical performances are held regularly.

9.  Staunton River Battlefield State Park: Confederate reservists and local men fought off efforts by Union soldiers to capture a railroad bridge in 1864, just before the Civil War’s end. There are numerous trails and earthworks to see, as well as abundant wildlife. Re-enactments are occasionally held there.

10. Staunton River State Park: Vast  acreage includes meadows, forests and kayaking opportunities. It has been designated an international dark sky park for its light-free nights. Star parties with telescopes you can use are held twice a year. Smaller scale observation events are held each month. Telescopes are available to rent.

Other favorites; South Boston/Halifax Museum, Molasses Grill, the barn quilt trail, the Halifax courthouse, Edmunds Park, Southern Virginia Botanical Gardens, Southern Virginia Wild Blueway and the South Boston Halifax County Visitors Center.

In Defense of Washington

 After we moved here from Washington, D.C., people told me how lucky I was to leave all of the crowds and traffic behind.

That’s true, and I don’t have a desire to move back

I never expected to stay 50 years, but then I met this great preschool teacher and didn’t want to leave.

Here are some of the things that I liked about Washington:

—Public transportation is great. The Metro goes almost everywhere (except Georgetown) and the buses and taxis and Uber are very good. Trains and planes are convenient.

—There is free music everywhere. The military has choruses and bands. Museums host concerts. The Kennedy Center has a free show at Millennium Stage just about every day.

—The pomp and ceremony are unmatched, except in England: the Inaugural Parade, the Cherry Blossom Festival, the 21-gun salutes at Arlington National Cemetery.

—There are free museums galore. If you are local, you go late on a weekday, preferably in winter.

—There’s a wide selection of restaurants, and I don’t mean fast food.

—Doctors are more plentiful than in other cities.

—You run across a lot of interesting people. Some of them have dark secrets. “What do you do?” “Oh, I’m a consultant.” “What kind?” Perhaps a little too forward. “Homeland Security.” You get a look that says “If I tell you more, I will have to kill you.”

After all that time there, you may want to know what I think of the government. Well, I don’t like to get political in this column. I will say that a cousin once told me I was awfully naïve for a Washington journalist. I still don’t view these people as corrupt. Along with lazy bureaucrats, there are a lot of workaholic people who are driven to do their jobs.

Yes, there are too many lobbyists. But what do you expect when the government is hading out trillions of dollars ever year? Somebody is going to want it.

I do think there is a lot of waste and unnecessary spending. Congressional office buildings are too big and luxurious. When I covered the Commerce Department for two years, I used to walk down the hallways, look into offices and think, “What do these people do?” I never figured that out.

Locals disliked all the tourists, but I always felt these visitors were the government’s customers, with the right to look skeptically at what was being done with their tax money. A longtime business leader disagreed with that description. “They’re not customers,” he said. “They are the board of directors!”

 

 

Pitch Clock: Why Stop at Baseball?

I am so thrilled that the porch clock has been introduced to Major League Baseball this season. In spring training, the games have been shortened by almost a half-hour.

 

Pitchers have 15 seconds to begin their wind-up if no one is on base. Batters have eight seconds to be ready for the next pitch.

 

This isn’t the 20^th century anymore. We don’t have as much time to waste as when we sat for hours watching two guys play catch. I mean, we now have more important things to fill up our time: streaming movies, English soccer and of course social media!

 

So to save time, why stop at baseball? Why not apply the “pitch clock” to other parts of our lives:

—10-minute wait limit for food to be delivered to your table. Wait staff will have a percentage of their tip reduced for every minute beyond this.

—60-second limit until the online help desk gives you a real person. If they are late, you get free shipping.

—15-minute limit in the waiting room at the doctor’s office. Penalty: Your appendix removed for free!

—1-hour wait for your plane. Otherwise, you get a free trip to Hawaii.

—2-hour wait for your car repairs to be finished. Penalty: A free oil change.

— 5-minute wait for check-out at the grocery store. Every minute beyond that gets you a free Kit Kat candy bar.

—10 minutes past noon when the church service ends? An extra blessing for all.

—15-minute wait for golfers in front of you to finish up? One shot added to their scores

— 10-minute wait for the teacher to show up in class. Or you get an A on your paper.

—1-hour wait for teen-anger to get home after curfew. Grounded! (Already happens.)

—10-minute wait for spouse to get dressed for an evening out. Uh, Mike, don’t go there!

 

`

Is it time for an e-bike?

 

My mom used to sing me a made-up song: “Mike the tyke will ride a bike, when he gets old enough.” I guess I was old enough when I became an avid cyclist at age 58, commuting six miles each way in Washington past famous monuments and riding 20 to 30 miles on weekends.

 

But at age 81, ten miles has become a stretch, even on flat roads. So I decided to move to the dark side: I bought an electric bike. I had always resisted the idea: “It’s cheating.” “It’s really a motorcycle.” 
“E-bikers are wimps!” I could remember an e-cyclist leading us on a group ride up a steep hill, leaving the rest of us gasping for breath.

 

Now a convert, I had my heart set on a Trek e-bike at a shop in Chapel Hill, when Pickett came across an article showing that a number of e-bikes have caught fire while being charged. Only the few batteries with certification by Underwriters Laboratories (UL) ere guaranteed safe. I am still skeptical, but what would I do if the battery exploded, the house burned down and our bed & breakfast was caput?  “Oops, my bad,” just doesn’t cut it!

 

So I listened to a couple of friends who got Veloctric e-bikes, a brand that does have UL approval. They assembled their own bikes, purchased online, but that didn’t appeal to me. First of all, I would want to test ride a bike. Second, I don’t assemble or fix anything. In Washington, if I got a flat tire, I would just call a taxi to take me to a bike store!

 

So I drove 100 miles to Winston-Salem, and bought one at Piedmont e-bikes for $1,500. The owner, Frank Guido,  even road alongside me as I tested it. Without electricity turned on, you can ride it like a normal bike, though its weight makes hill climbing almost impossible without turning on one of the three power levels.

 

I brought it home and tried it on our three miles of trails. So cool! The fat tires handled the tree roots and some swampy areas quite well. Climbing a hill was a real thrill. On the open road, the bike soars when you turn on the power, up to 20 mph. Of course, you are still exposed to dogs and cars, but somehow it seems safer because of its potential speed and its highly visible size and yellow color and lights. (I have to admit my knee hurt some anyway after riding too far—maybe you don’t apply much pressure, but you still spin the wheels. Another drawback: at low speeds the bike wanted to go faster.)

 

So now I hope to return to the cool places where I used to ride: the neighborhoods between River Road and Mountain Road, Melon Road near the Dan River, the Hyco Lake region and Bethel Hill Road into North Carolina.

 

Mike the tyke is old enough!

 

 

Anyone can be a star

 

When I was a magazine editor in the 1980s, I asked our video writer about that new karaoke craze.

 

“Aw, it may be popular in Japan, but it will never catch on here,” he said. Wrong!

 

Parties today often have karaoke events in which singers can pretend to be Celine Dion or Elvis Presley, not worried about making fools of themselves. You can find a karaoke version of almost everything on YouTube.

 

I was surprised to see a lot of older folks mimicking singers like Frank Sinatra or Dolly Parton at the daytime YMCA New Year’s party this year.

 

I tried karaoke for the first time 13 years ago at Cal-Neva Lodge in Reno, where the casino in my sister’s town had a karaoke night in front of dozens of people

 

As we waited for our turn, I had a nice friendly chat with the guy next to me. When I got up there, I couldn’t keep up with the words on the screen and stammered a lot. After my song, “What I Did for Love,” bombed, my new friend refused to talk to me. Well, what it happens in Reno, stays in Reno too, I guess.

 

My favorite karaoke place is the Cowboy-Up Bar in Virgilina, which I profiled in an article about 10 years ago. It’s a family-friendly place, and the owner, Alan Gatrell, is a former cop who won’t put up with any rowdiness. He has karaoke Fridays starting at 7 p.m.  Also offering karaoke are Badeaux’s in South Boston (7 p.m. Saturdays) and Pit Stop Pizza in Virgilina (7 p.m. Tuesdays).

 

I don’t have much of a repertoire in country music, Cowboy Up’s specialty. But my best song is “Singin’ The Blues” recorded as a country song in the 1950s by Marty Robbins and a pop song by Guy Mitchell.

 

One of the tricks of karaoke is to pick out songs in your key, which is usually provided in the range of the singer who made it famous. I love Michael McDonald’s hits and some songs by the Stylistics, but their notes are even above my high tenor notes. Tennessee Ernie Ford and Roger Miller were too low. I have heard more good singers screech on notes higher than they can manage in karaoke.

 

If I wanted to please the audience, I learned to forego one of my best songs, “What a Wonderful World” for faster moving pieces. On a ship cruise, I saw a very bad singer get a terrific response with “Sweet Caroline,” a karaoke crowd favorite (but not mine.)

 

Some karaoke hosts sing too much themselves or don’t really understand the music they offer. Once I wrote down “Summertime” and the host came up to me and said, “You can’t sing this!” “Why not?” I replied, wondering what they had against Broadway musicals.

 

“Because it is a duet,” he said. “It says here: From Porgy and Bess.” I sang it anyway.

 

 

 

Random Thoughts on Raisins, Rihanna and More

 

I can’t stand raisins. When I started eating  a cinnamon roll,  my dad joked that the raisins were flies. He apologized for it repeatedly in later years. 

 

Unbelievably, my college roommate was the son of a very large raisin farmer in California’s Central Valley. (Was this an eternal punishment for something I did?) He brought big boxes of little raisin packages to our room and stored them underneath our bunk.  I ate them anyway. What ya gonna do?

 

-0-

 

A 12-year-old had a bouquet of flowers in the check-out line at Food Lion. He looked too young to have a girl friend—was it a Valentine gift for his Mom? It reminded me of the time I bought some flowers near my work and brought them home for Pickett. Women on the bus smiled at me as if to say, “I wish somebody would do that for me.” I loved it!

 

-0-

 

Rihanna must not be afraid of heights. Her Super Bowl halftime show almost made me dizzy, as she sung from narrow raised platforms moving from 15 to 60 feet above ground. How could she possibly concentrate? (And she was pregnant too!)

 

-0-

 

 

Does anybody ever get sued for violating the fine print on emails and websites? If I were a lawyer, my defense would be, “Nobody reads it.”

 

-0-

 

“Cunk on the World” on Netflix is the funniest show I have seen in a very long time. The British interviewer

 asks scholars stupid questions about the history of the world. I can relate to that! (“Do the pyramids have a pointed top to keep the homeless from sleeping on them?”)

 

-0-

 

DON’T see Banshees of Inisherin, even though it was nominated for Best Picture. Maybe the acting was good, but I would nominate it for the Most Depressing Picture I have ever seen.

 

-0-

 

I love to sing at First Baptist Church. The people are so friendly!

 

-0-

 

“Perfect,” the customer service rep says to me. If makes me feel good to be called perfect, but maybe it is an exaggeration? Making a doctor’s appointment for 11:00 instead of 10:30 is perfect? 

 

-0-

 

I rarely kill insects. They are my brothers and sisters, living on this planet at the same time as I am. But I’ll make an exception for ticks and mosquitoes!

 

-0-

 

Wind chill is absurd, fanned by the media and Weather Service to worry people. And why are storms given such horrible names all of a sudden? Bomb cyclone? It also bothers me when meteorologists say on TV, “Stay home.” Let me decide that.

 

-0-

 

I just love the phone and ipad apps Seeing AI and Envision AI. You point the phone at a printed page in a document or at a book and they read it back to you. So cool!

 

-0-

 

I really like the idea I heard recently that our lives are stories. “There are no throw-away lines in life,” said theologian Eugene Peterson. So watching two wasteful basketball games on a Saturday is part of my story? Everything I do is for a reason?  There are no do-overs. Let’s hope for a happy ending!