Pitch Clock: Why Stop at Baseball?

I am so thrilled that the porch clock has been introduced to Major League Baseball this season. In spring training, the games have been shortened by almost a half-hour.

 

Pitchers have 15 seconds to begin their wind-up if no one is on base. Batters have eight seconds to be ready for the next pitch.

 

This isn’t the 20^th century anymore. We don’t have as much time to waste as when we sat for hours watching two guys play catch. I mean, we now have more important things to fill up our time: streaming movies, English soccer and of course social media!

 

So to save time, why stop at baseball? Why not apply the “pitch clock” to other parts of our lives:

—10-minute wait limit for food to be delivered to your table. Wait staff will have a percentage of their tip reduced for every minute beyond this.

—60-second limit until the online help desk gives you a real person. If they are late, you get free shipping.

—15-minute limit in the waiting room at the doctor’s office. Penalty: Your appendix removed for free!

—1-hour wait for your plane. Otherwise, you get a free trip to Hawaii.

—2-hour wait for your car repairs to be finished. Penalty: A free oil change.

— 5-minute wait for check-out at the grocery store. Every minute beyond that gets you a free Kit Kat candy bar.

—10 minutes past noon when the church service ends? An extra blessing for all.

—15-minute wait for golfers in front of you to finish up? One shot added to their scores

— 10-minute wait for the teacher to show up in class. Or you get an A on your paper.

—1-hour wait for teen-anger to get home after curfew. Grounded! (Already happens.)

—10-minute wait for spouse to get dressed for an evening out. Uh, Mike, don’t go there!

 

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