A Polish radio station recently fired its announcer and replaced him with AI-generated content. The station drew protests when it used AI to interview famous dead people.
Well, what’s the matter with that? AI could probably find great historical quotes from these figures to turn into good listening.
So I have decided to try it. However, my first efforts turned into boring pronouncements about life. To make it more interesting, I asked Chat GPT for snarky, irreverent questions that you would never dare to ask when the subject was alive. I even asked fictional subjects questions. Here are some, but I and some friends ended up making most of them oursevles.
Marie Antoinette: Did you really say, “Let them eat cake?” Answer: “Not my fault. My uncle, a baker, put me up to it.”
Ludwig van Beethoven: What is the secret to writing a great symphony? Answer: “What?”
Elvis Presley: Why did you become so fat and use so many drugs? “C,mon, man, don’t be cruel.”
Smokey the Bear: In this dense forest, I really miss my cigarettes. What can I do? “Here, let me give you a light. Whoops! Oh, no!”
Richard Nixon: Why didn’t you just destroy the tapes? “Technology wasn’t my strong suit. I can’t even find the delete button.”
Jerry Garcia: Are you gratefully dead? “No, there is no cannabis where I am now.”
Wolfgang Mozart: What will be your legacy after you are gone? “Well, I’ll de-compose.”
Santa Claus: How can you deliver so many presents in one night? “I give my elves a lifetime supply of cookies—but I keep the milk for myself.”
Michelangelo: Why would you paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel? “I was tired of painting walls.”
Jack the Ripper: Did you ever consider therapy? “Why bother? I had a handy knife to work through my issues.”
Cleopatra: What was it with all of those snakes? “You don’t care. You are just including a woman to make this column seem inclusive.”
Albert Einstein: Why did you do poorly in school? “I was figuring out how to increase the speed of light. Why worry about a stupid spelling test?”
Superman: Were you having an affair with Lois Lane? “I couldn’t help it. She threatened me with kryptonite if I ignored her.”
Dorothy (Wizard of Oz): Why didn’t you and Toto go to a tornado shelter? “If I did, you wouldn’t have seen that great movie.”
Luke Skywalker (Star Wars): Why did you go on such space adventures? “if your father was Darth Vader, you would want to leave town too.”
William Shakespeare: Did you really write all of those plays? “No, smart guy, I stole them off the Internet!”
Lucy (Peanuts): Why do you keep pulling the football away when Charlie Brown tries to kick it? “I will keep doing that until women are admitted to the NFL.”
Carole King (who is alive): When can we see the show “Beautiful?” “It’s too late, baby, it’s too late.”
You’ve heard this one before:
Abraham Lincoln: Before the unfortunate incident at Ford’s Theater, how was the play? “The worst thing was missing the second act.”
Mike (Who is Alive): Why are you writing these stupid quotes? “I am tired of writing real ones.”
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