One of these days there will be a $1 billion baseball player. Just last month, Juan Soto agreed to a contract with the New York Mets for $765 million over 15 years.
Now if a guy who hits a ball with a stick can get close to $1 billion, why can’t a small-town journalist get $1 million? Why can’t we make the kind of deals athletes get? We are just as important.
Even college athletes, which used to play for free, are getting into the act. Look at all of them who transfer from one school to another to get NIL deals—name, image and likeness. In other words, big payments from alumni donors.
I wonder if I could also enter the transfer portal and hold out for big bucks? I would ask Soto’s agent, Scott Boros, to represent me, but $1 million is chump change for him. I will ask a local bed & breakfast owner to do it, but she sounds dubious.
I could ask this newspaper to trade me to the New York Times or the Wall Street Journal to get the $1 million. Which is exactly $1 million more than I am getting now. Well, journalism, like textiles and tobacco, isn’t exactly a growth industry.
I could make the money back for them in endorsements. I could promote some of those drugs for seniors they sell during nightly TV newscasts. I probably take half of them already!
Those big papers will want my statistics. Well, they are pretty good: Number of times sued: Zero. Published corrections: None. Number of complaints from readers: One. But that reader didn’t know what he was talking about!
I know a 15-year contract is pretty long for an almost 83-year-old, but my mother made it to 98!
So, what say, boss?
Editor’s Note: In your dreams, hotshot. Hurry up with the next column!
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