Saturday, July 25, 2026

Cutting through the nonsense

Some of us are gullible and believe everything sent to us in letters and emails. I am here to act as a translator, to explain what companies and so-called friends really mean. Here are some expressions to look out for:

“We are pleased to announce.” We are about to rip you off big time, you fools!

 

“Kids today.” I am about to tell you how superior I am to anyone born in the last 30 years.

 

“Just checking in.” I have nothing else to do, and I have nothing to say really but just thought I would waste your time to make myself feel better.

 

“Hope you are well.” I don’t care about your health but I will pretend to care about you personally before I go in for the kill.

“This too will pass.” Stop bellyaching, and let’s talk about my problems.

 

“Is there something you would like to tell me?” You are about to get fired.

 

“Frankly…..” Everything I’ve said so far was meaningless. Now I am going to drop the bomb.

 

“Just fyi.” We have no business telling you this, but you’ll be mad if we leave you out.

 

“Just sayin'” I’m about to utter something totally outrageous and thoughtless. This way I can plead that it was just words, not something I believe.


“I'm a good Christian but...” Now I’m going to say something horrible or blasphemous, but this way you’ll think it’s OK.”

 

“That said….” I am about to completely contradict what I just told you.

 

“The check is in the mail.” Yeah, right!

 

“Have a  happy spring (summer or fall)” I don’t know how to end this letter. “Sincerely yours,” doesn’t cut it any more.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Friday, July 10, 2026

What did you do in the war, Grandpa?


“Why weren’t you in the Vietnam War?” my 11-year-old granddaughter asked as she looked at me accusingly a few weeks ago. Wow. Blindsided!  I didn’t know that Aria knew anything about the war. After her history lesson in school, I guess she figured out that I was aged 22 to 35 during our major involvement.

What did she think I would say?  “I fled to Canada.” Or “I stayed in school so I wouldn’t get drafted.” Or “I faked a physical deferment?”

My answer: “I was in the Army Reserve from 1964 to 1970. We never got called up.”

That question and answer were worth the six years, first six months of basic and advanced training, then weekly meetings and summer camps. This is nothing compared to the dangers and sacrifices of the people who were on active duty two or three years, but her question did not put me on the defensive.

I could have avoided the draft in April 1964 with a deferment for asthma if I had pushed it. But I didn’t want to be a coward. If I had known of the debacle to come, I don’t know if I would have made the same decision. I’ll never know.

I did avoid the draft, which was creeping up on me, but my boss knew the local unit commander, who got me into the Army Reserve in Dover, Del.

I told my granddaughter I did not know many friends who went to Vietnam, but maybe we were a sheltered group. Many were in college. Even if I was sent there, I probably would have been a clerk typist or a reporter on “”Stars and Stripes” rather than in combat. I also probably should have gotten a deferment because my allergies affected me badly in Florida. Maybe they would have gotten me before the Viet Cong did.

I don’t think I was meant for the Army anyway. I was not Sergeant York. Maybe Beetle Bailey. The sergeant in basic training at Fort Gordon made me a squad leader because of my two years of Reserve Officer Training Corps classes. But I had been sitting at desks before entering the Army all the time my fellow soldiers were fixing cars or plowing fields, and I wasn’t in good shape. A hairline fracture in my leg sidelined me for two weeks. Rather than make me start over, they just let me finish the eight weeks of basic.  The commanding officer in Dover told my editor that enlistments dropped sharply in there  afte he published  my unhappy training experiences in in training. This was my contribution to the war effort? (Advanced training was in supply school at Homestead Air Force Base in Florida.)

In the six years of meetings, I was stationed at a public relations unit in Pittsburgh, a searchlight unit in Las Vegas and a civil affairs unit in Portland, Oregon. The Las Vegas unit was filled with skilled bartenders and blackjack dealers. If we had decided the Vietnam War at a poker table, we would have won hands down!  Our not-so-tough Portland group’s training was to attend two weeks at the University of Washington to learn Cambodian history. Hardly dangerous duty!

The idea was that we would run the Cambodian government if we ever invaded the country. We actually did invade Cambodia but did not run the government and were not needed.

Few reserve units were called up back then. I have since concluded that we were a paper force intended to scare the Russians or prepare for a second war but were not in any way prepared for battle.

How times have changed. I doubt that I would have been involved today in an all-volunteer army for which reserve units are frequently called up. I salute those who serve our country so bravely.

 

 

 

 


Saturday, July 4, 2026

This film no longer grabs me


By all rights, “American Graffiti” should be one of my favorite movies. It’s about teenagers cruising the streets and coming of age  in 1962 Northern California.

The timing is close. I graduated from high school in 1959 about 90 miles from director George Lucas’ home in Modesto. It was filmed mostly In San Rafael, 10 miles from where I lived in El Cerrito. I even went several times to Mel’s Drive-In in Berkeley, part of the local chain shown in the movie.

At the film’s release in 1973, I really enjoyed it. I liked the nostalgia for a bygone era, familiar songs of the time and satisfaction of having moved beyond that silliness.

Watching it again 52 years later, I hated it. How could these stupid kids simply ride up and down the street in cars and agonize over who liked whom and who didn’t? Who cares? I hated the drama of teen-age romance. Maybe because I had struggled through it later as a parent.

And why was the star character really agonizing over whether to stay in town or go to college? Of course he should leave town. His parents needed to give him a talking-to!

What I did like about watching this idiocy is that I must have moved on from the first time I saw it. This movie may have been about my era but not about me. I did not cruise up and down Macdonald Avenue in nearby Richmond (Calif.)  on Saturday night. . . I’m not sure who did.

Well, maybe I did once or twice.  When I was 17, I took three of my 15-year-old friends to a movie. When we left the show in our car, one kid  insisted on going back to the theater to pick up a girl. When I refused, I let him out but the theater manager wouldn’t let him back in,  so he walked aimlessly on the streets. The rest of us cruised the street until I picked him up again and we all went home in silence.

This was fun? Not for me. The kid I let out of the car told me several years later: “The only reason we hung out with you was because you could drive a car.”  Thanks a lot, buddy! I should have left him on the sidewalk.

Another problem I had with the era: what ever happened to the real-life cruisers and drag racers? Did the boys skip college or vo-tech training  and have kids and become “ditch-diggers,” as my parents threatened me? Did the girls get pregnant and have a messed-up life afterward?

I could not identify with any of the characters. I guess I liked Lucas’ “Star Wars” better. Fantasy can be better than reality.