Why do I need a knife or scissors to open just about everything anymore? Even the plastic on garlic at the grocery store. (Why does garlic need a plastic wrapper anyway?)
In opera, the tenor always gets the girl, but he’s dead by the final act.
I am always either stressed or bored. Isn’t there any in between?
My favorite line from a pop song: “Every new beginning comes from some other new beginning’s end”(from “Closing Time” by Semisonic).
My favorite movie title: “If It’s Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium.” It tells you the whole story right there.
On my last visit to Washington, D.C., people were uncharacteristically nice wen I had trouble navigating Union Station. It must be because I appear to be old. They weren’t like that when I was younger!
Why do I need a password to pay my bill online?
Sara was disappointed years ago on Take Your Daughter to Work Day. “Allyou do is talk on the phone and type into a computer,” she complained. “That’s not all I do,” I said. “I also read the newspaper.”
ESPN is showing live games of boys’under-14 flag football? I wonder if casinos are sponsoring betting on the games. Which 12-year-old recruit will get a $1 million contract?
My dentist once complained that his job requires hurting people. “To make people happy, maybe I should open a candy store downstairs,” he said. I told him, “Then you can fill more teeth as the kids get older. A perpetual money machine.”
I was puzzled as a kid after seeing a sign at a coffee shop: “We get too soon old and too late smart.” Now I get it!
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