""We have no openings. Thank you."

 Job search professionals  tell you to forget about money when seeking employment. Just find something you love to do.

That’s easy to say, but what if you have a family and need a steady income? When I was between jobs for five months at age 50, I reached out in all directions.

In fact, I interviewed with the epitome of the business establishment in one morning and its arch-enemy, organized labor, that afternoon.  That shows you how nonpartisan I can be: a hired gun. A mercenary!

The U.S. Chamber of Commerce (publisher of Nation’s Business) and the AFL-CIO News were literally across the street from each other.

Well, it was hard to be two-faced and bluff my way through, especially on the same day. The word from the chamber: “Your test article just didn’t hum.”  From the AFL: “You’re a nice guy. Not tough enough.” What? They wanted Tony Soprano?

That’s OK. They were both out of business a few years later. Probably because they didn’t hire me.

I have friends who have proudly made lists of all of the publishers or employers who rejected them. Here’s a tiny part of  mine:

San Francisco Chronicle: “I like your resume, but I would have to give you a pay cut. You won’t like me anymore.”

AP San Francisco: “I have been ordered to hire a black and a woman, and you don’t look like either one to me.” ( I did work here several years later without having  race or gender surgery. They had already hired one of each.)

Philadelphia Bulletin: “You are a lousy headline writer, but we’ll take you anyway.” I didn’t like this blunt talk and declined a job offer.

San Francisco Examiner: “I realize you have come a long way for this interview, but the managing editor isn’t here.”

National Association of Realtors: “We require everyone to take a spelling and grammar test.” (I felt like a fifth -grader.)

An international consultant: “At what rate is the yen trading today?” When I couldn’t answer, he walked out without saying a word.

AARP Bulletin: “I had high hopes for you, but you haven’t supervised anyone in years.”

USA Today: “You have a great background, but we can’t find a place for you.”

U.S. Commerce Department: “I hope you can write speeches as well as your predecessor.” (I read them and they were agonizingly boring. I dropped out.)

Student Loan Marketing Association: “I would just love having an editor around to talk to. Of course, we often work very long nights.”  Bye!

Washington Business Journal (after I trimmed my resume to hide my age): “Exactly what years did you work there?” “Oh, I don’t know. Before the next job, I guess.”  Rejected again.

Kiplinger Letter: “We’d love to have you! When can you start?” Bingo! I found a great job. I stayed there for 17 years before retiring in 2009.