Some of us are gullible and believe everything sent to us in letters and emails. I am here to act as a translator, to explain what companies and so-called friends really mean. Here are some expressions to look out for:
“We are pleased to announce.” We are about to rip you off big time, you fools!
“Kids today.” I am about to tell you how superior I am to anyone born in the last 30 years.
“Just checking in.” I have nothing else to do, and I have nothing to say really but just thought I would waste your time to make myself feel better.
“Hope you are well.” I don’t care about your health but I will pretend to care about you personally before I go in for the kill.
“This too will pass.” Stop bellyaching, and let’s talk about my problems.
“Is there something you would like to tell me?” You are about to get fired.
“Frankly…..” Everything I’ve said so far was meaningless. Now I am going to drop the bomb.
“Just fyi.” We have no business telling you this, but you’ll be mad if we leave you out.
“Just sayin'” I’m about to utter something totally outrageous and thoughtless. This way I can plead that it was just words, not something I believe.
“I'm a good Christian but...” Now I’m going to say something horrible or blasphemous, but this way you’ll think it’s OK.”
“That said….” I am about to completely contradict what I just told you.
“The check is in the mail.” Yeah, right!
“Have a happy spring (summer or fall)” I don’t know how to end this letter. “Sincerely yours,” doesn’t cut it any more.
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