'Telling it like it is'

 It’s too bad that CBS dropped the idea of finding someone to be another Andy Rooney, the old stick-in-the-mud curmudgeonly journalist who used to complain humorously about inequities of today.

They should have hired me. I fit all those qualifications!

If Andy Rooney was alive today, here are some of the things he would complain about:

--What’s with QR codes at restaurants? Why do I have to point my phone at that silly picture to get something to eat? Why not just say: “I’ll have the usual, Fran, medium well this time.”

--Why do I have to use a password to pay my doctor bill online? They are afraid somebody else will pay it?

--Why does every electronic gadget chave to be black? When I put my black phone or glasses case on my black car seat, I can never find them.

--Why is It so hard to open packages anymore? You need a chainsaw  to open anything sent by FedEx.

--Are they making buttons bigger and buttonholes smaller?  Or is it just my arthritis?

--Why do they close the bathrooms and mop the floors at restaurants when I am there? Why can’t they do this in off hours?

--Why did they replace removable caps on toothpaste with attached caps? I never close them completely and the toothpaste gets all over the place.

--Why are there so many electronic gadgets in cars today? What ever happened to the buttons? When it rains, I can’t figure out how to turn on the windshield wipers.

--Does anybody ever read the pages and pages of “terms and conditions” they have to approve? When I sign it, I feel like I am lying. “Of course I read it.”

--What’s all this about artificially intelligent machines? How about some real intelligence from real people for a change?

-o-

I certainly respected Rooney’s opinions, but there was one thing I could never forgive him for: he refused to give up his typewriter for a computer. I don’t know anyone who ever tried a computer and went back to a typewriter.

But we do miss him. I’ll bet a good replacement would “tell it like it is.”